Breathwork Breakthrough

Belly heart open mouth
I dove into the week
head-first knowing
something big was gonna shift
because lots of old shit
was being stirred up
before I even left

shame, secrecy, guilt
am I worthy enough?
am I being responsible?
am I being selfish?
for taking this time
for spending this money
to do, what I knew deep down
my heart was on fire to do?

belly heart open mouth
I allowed the breath to take over
surrendering to whatever came up
after feeling discomfort in circle
when we shared about
intuition, sensitivity, emotions
blocks, judgement, money
family, relationships, pain
value, worth, exchange
and, ultimately, self love

belly heart open mouth
I admitted that I abandon my body
money makes me anxious
debt makes me feel like a bad person
insulin makes me fear for my survival
it's hard for me to receive
and I don't allow myself to have a voice sometimes

belly heart open mouth
I ventured into my body
with circle opposite partners
supportive, generous, beautiful healers
holding space for my journey
with oils, affirmations, touch
each one giving me exactly what I needed
to purge
to go deeper
to cleanse
to see clearer
to release
to laugh lighter
to cry
to scream louder
to heal
to feel freer

belly heart open mouth
Ali sang a song for my tears
feeling the beauty of angels and light
around the flowing of deep sadness
Randi released the shame and grief
I was holding around my femininity
acknowledging the block in my second chakra
and the hiding of a dream from my feminine center
to create and to embrace being flowy
Kathleen held space for the black thorns
that had overgrown in my sacral chakra
to blossom into pink roses
and then a lush garden as Mother Earth wrapped her ivy around mine
as my body became one with her soil
the insulin in my body sparkled
through my veins like golden energy
the fire and power of the goddess in my solar plexus
began to grow
I've got work to do
Bengt gently led me to my younger self
the precious golden little girl
who had been lost
There's so much beauty in the world
and together, she and I, we danced across my body
which became the world
sprinkling golden fairy dust in every cell
every lake, river, mountain, plain
landing in my heart center
where my dad cradled her
where I didn't feel alone or abandoned anymore
Beth coaxed me to reclaim my childhood
reminding me what it is
to giggle like a little girl
for me to give to ME freely
making healing easy
becoming my own abundant, generous money tree
and with her magical massaging hands
I let go of my father's pain
my mother's pain
my siblings pain
my family's pain
I let go of MY pain
my triggers to sugar
my stubbornness
my habit of filling up my cup last
and when I stopped holding my own bird cage closed
and when I stopped squeezing my own throat
I could finally sing
I could finally be free

belly heart open mouth
I was nestled all week in love by a tribe
who doing their own healing
valued me and mine
their power and strength as gifted healers
mirrored for me what I had yet to claim
in myself
as I also held space for the healing of my partners
and in this nest created by my new tribe

I read my poetry
performed with my body
and sang with an open heart and throat
realizing that allowing myself to take up space
with creative expression
is an essential form of self love

belly heart open mouth
as the journey came to a close
David, the reluctant amazing healer
held space for my most joyful breathwork experience ever
my breathwork breakthrough
free from resistance
free from holding my heart closed
self love and joy surged through my body
laughs and a yell so pure from my open throat
and a feeling of finally being at home in my body
as my body became my abundance tree
with my roots firmly in Mother Earth
spirit animals gathered around
I am not alone
a garden in my womb
birds flying in and out
of the heart in the center of the trunk
in the center of my chest
feeling the wind in my branches
reaching up and around
to the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the Universe
Spirit flew in as I made a contract to be of service:
You are ready
You are home
You are love

belly heart open mouth
and gratitude
sweet and deep love
for the gift of breath
filling up and releasing layers
for a new me
a truer me

open mouth