Where Does Your Grief Go?

Today’s the death anniversary of my dad and the thought that popped into my head this morning whilst pouring my coffee: “today is the day my life changed forever”.

In reality though, it had already started changing when he got sick and when he shifted into the end stages of the dying process. From March to August, my world was already shifting. But my full arrival into the role of Griefwalker* was made official on this day 27 years ago.

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Anniversaries land different from year to year but the body always seems to remember what day it is.

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This year, I’m thinking about how that young gal didn’t know how to carry all that grief in her 12-year-old body and how proud she would be to know how I’ve learned to ride the waves and hold the space for grief in all its forms. My own specifically AND the grief of others as well.

There’s that quote that says “Grief is just love with no place to go” and while, YES, I love this, how true…. this year I’m thinking about how grief cracks your heart open so your love can spill E V E R Y W H E R E.

If you let it, your grief-love guides your attention to what matters.

Like, the taste of the summer peach, the click click click click of the nails of your furry familiar following you around the house, the warmth in the hug of your best friend, the most gasp-worthy beauty of a sunset, the tiny crinkle lines at the edges of your eyes showing proof of smiles, laughs, years well lived and well loved.

Perhaps this is a lesson embodied when you’ve walked with grief for a while - and maybe not as helpful if grief is raw and new. We don’t bypass the heaviness of grief over here in these parts - there’s space for the full spectrum of being human here in my world.

AND I guess what I’m holding onto today is the reminder that grief doesn’t go away and it isn’t a problem to be fixed, but if we stay with it and let it deepen us, it can change us for the better.

XO!!

*Griefwalker is a term I learned from Stephen Jenkinson.

JOURNAL PROMPT & INSPIRATION:

-What is important to you right now?

-Make a list of things you love.

-If you could describe where you’re holding your grief right now, where would it be?

-One of my favorite poets Andrea Gibson passed away in July and I’ve been inspired by the ways they lived and expressed their life while living with incurable cancer and the impact their death has made on the web of humans who knew them. Now I’m being deeply moved by their wife Meg - also a poet - and the words she’s sharing as she navigates fresh grief. You can check out both of their amazing work on Andrea’s substack, “Things That Don’t Suck”.

SONG I’M LOVING (GREAT FOR LEO SEASON): Lionheart by KAYNAH on Spotify
Lionheart by KAYNAH on YouTube