The more I pay attention to the cycles of the moon and the cycles in myself, I am starting to notice how subtly they exist in me. The past couple of days this week, and very strongly today, I have been feeling… hmmmm…. "sensitive" is perhaps the right word. More lonely, more apathetic, more tired. Rather than exercising, my body feels like snuggling. Rather than engaging in social media and responding to emails, I feel like being quiet, hidden, and mysterious. Instead of wanting to go out and be around lots of people (which my extroverted nature usually enjoys), I feel like staying home or walking with the puppy amongst the trees. In the past, I would start to judge myself by thinking, "what is WRONG with me???" as I would try to push myself through with extra doses of caffeine and shameful guilting in the tone of "pull yourself together, giiiirl!" I could feel that impulse in myself even today as I looked at a long to-do list and felt the strongest of urges to just crawl in bed with a book.
Over the past several months, since starting my healing practice, I’ve noticed this trend that there’s a time each month where I don’t feel like being public or being seen. At first I thought it was just apathy towards my business and frustrated urges to just throw in the towel. But now I can see the connection that this time usually arises near the new moon and is a very normal and valuable part of the feminine cycle of energy. And so rather than pushing myself or "whipping the race horse" into action, today I consciously softened the wall I could feel myself building and allowed my feelings to have the space to just be. Tired. Sad. Frustrated. Thankful. Sleepy. Fearful. Deep love. Surprised joy. Soft around the edges. Inward. Contemplative. Slow. And actually, lo and behold! I still got the things done that needed to be done and I feel better. Lighter. Honored. Respected. Loved. Because I listened to myself.
This Friday, March 20th, is a super new moon, solar eclipse, spring equinox all wrapped up in one (no wonder I’ve been feeling exhausted!). As we start to shed our layers of clothing with the longer days and the warmer weather of the season's change, our bodies also begin to let go of the extra insulation we may have held onto over the cold, hibernating months. If you've been feeling the need to do a detox in some part of your life, the earth's energy is supporting you in that right now. It's time to do some spring cleaning and the new moon is inviting us to go inward to see what inner layers we are ready to shed. When the moon is dark in the sky, we can follow her example by allowing ourselves quiet time to retreat, reflect, rest, reset. To center, contemplate, clear. To honor ourselves; honor where we’ve come from and all that we’ve accomplished while honoring where we want to go and the intentions we hold dear.
I invite you to take a few quiet moments to yourself and join me in going inward (it feels really good to honor, respect, and love yourself in this way). Maybe light a candle. Perhaps have your journal handy. Share with a dear friend if you feel called. Taking a couple deep breaths and placing a hand gently on your heart. Closing your eyes if that feels good. Ask your inner wisdom:
- What thought pattern, idea, habit, relationship, or emotion am I ready to clean out and let go of because it is holding me back from living to my greatest potential?
- What would I like to see change or manifest this spring that will bring more balance and joy to my life?
- In what ways can I honor or bring more awareness to my cycles and rhythms?
- How can I love myself more each day in this new season?
And then listen softly as the answers come to you. Maybe they'll float up as images. Maybe they'll be clear as day as words or thoughts. You will know what is right for you.
This Spring Equinox Super New Moon, I send gratitude to the beauteous, mysterious, and wise moon - who is guiding me into deeper, more intimate relationship with my body and my feminine self. I also send gratitude to you… my community here. Thank you for being my witness along my healing journey.